


Stabby the Space Roomba

by Lady_Morningstar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Other, Q got nothing, Roombas in spaaaaaaaace, you thought tribbles were bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Morningstar/pseuds/Lady_Morningstar
Summary: I was reading Tumblr last night and came across Stabby the knife wielding Roomba Star Wars fanfic. It as some of the funniest shit I have ever read. In homage, to fanfic, I decided to write my own, based in the Star Trek universe. These events occur shortly after The Trouble with Tribbles and days after Errand of Mercy. Characters aren’t mine, blah blah blah, not making money, blah blah blah, all rights to copyright holders etc. etc. etc.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Stabby the Space Roomba

**Second Science Officer’s Log, Star Date 3189.2**

Like most starships, The Enterprise has cleaning automatons. These bots goes about their business, quietly whirring along, cleaning up dust and debris from the floors of The Enterprise. Such bots have become so commonplace that no one even notices them anymore. Well, until the stabbing started.

For some time now, an automated floor cleaner that has a kitchen knife affixed to its shell has been roaming the hallways. “Stabby” is inscribed across the top of its shell. It is my suspicion that Scotty, Head Engineer, rigged it as a practical joke and set it loose. It has also come to my attention that a tiny camera that live streams the bots whereabouts can be viewed over the ships intra comm link.

Many of the crew are walking with the slightest of limps due to the ankle lacerations sustained from “Stabby”. One can always tell when Stabby has claimed a new victim by the unseemly “hooting” coming from the engineering decks. 10 Forward even has replays up on their larger holoscreens. I believe their may even be some sort of underground wagering system based on who Stabby may come across next. Curious.

** Second Science officer’s Log, Star Date 3181.3 **

Of interest from a anthropological viewpoint: The crew seems to have adopted Stabby as a kind of ship’s mascot. It has even been given the rank of Ensign. I find it curious how humans in particular become emotionally attached to non-living objects. However, seeing as I bear some fondness for The Enterprise, to a degree I can understand it. My conjecture is that this is some form of emotional projection, since living pets had to be discouraged for a time after the tribble incident. Commander Spock was the most recent victim of Stabby, and I believe he was somehow pleased to be included in the crew’s attachment. Curious. Previously, Checkov had been tagged in the right ankle. I was not aware he could swear so creatively in so many languages. His accent in all but his native tongue is...atrocious.

** Second Science officer’s Log, Star Date 3204.6 **

It has been a hectic time aboard The Enterprise. We had been dispatched to the planet Organia in disputed territory to foil a Klingon attempt to establish a forward base of operations for an attack on Federation Space. Captain Kirk and Commander Spock were trapped on the planet for a time, where strange, incorporeal and very power beings manipulated the situation to build a peace treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. I never thought I would see the day where such a thing occurred! The Treaty is tentatively being called the Peace Treaty of Organia. With both species being so volatile, I’m not sure how long it will hold. Currently, The Enterprise is en route to rendezvous with a Klingon ship to exchange diplomatic niceties and gifts to promote peace.

** Second Science officer’s Log, Star Date 3206.1 **

I am utterly perplexed. I do not even truly know where to start. Let me try here: The Enterprise met up with the Klingon Battle Cruiser, Klothos, captained by Kos. Captain Kirk and Captain Kos had originally encountered one another on Organia and it had been determined by both faction’s ruling parties, that due to the previous history, these two should serve as the initial primary diplomatic envoys. Neither seemed to pleased by the “honor” bestowed upon them. As the Second Science Officer, I was present at the diplomatic meeting to be held in 10 Forward. The Klingons arrived and were promptly welcomed onto The Enterprise with much pomp. The ritual exchange of gifts began...and to my abject horror, I noticed Stabby whir into 10 Forward. I was frozen in indecision. If I moved, I could upset the delicate balance of the exchange about to be completed and risk giving grave offense. The Klingons did not seem to notice Stabby and seemed vaguely underwhelmed by the fine Klin Zah board and food delicacies presented to them. Before I could make up my mind how to manage Stabby...he got one of the Klingon envoys dead in the right ankle.

“QI'yaH !” the Klingon roared as he took a step back and assumed a fighting stance.

The room erupted. The Captain was demanding Scotty grab Stabby, Lt. Chekov was preparing to face down angry Klingons, the Klingons were yelling too fast for me to translate. Captain Kor squares off against the Captain and growls in his face!

“Kirk! What is the meaning of this? We come here in good faith to keep...the peace. We bring you precious items and you withhold such wondrous items as this?” He points down at Stabby who is whirring away, gathering up crumbs.

“No wonder we have had such a...complicated time defeating you in combat. Your crew must be constantly on alert or face dishonor! This, this will make a fine gift, don’t you say....Kirk?”

The captain is confused for a moment but he’s a quick thinker. He grasps that Kor believes that Stabby is part of Starfleet training and precious to the Enterprise’s readiness. He’s hoping to be denied the gift and given an excuse to take offense. The captain grasps this immediately and scoops Stabby off the floor.

“It would be my honor to present this device to the Klingon empire to cement the bonds of peace and friendship between our people.”

He gingerly passes the bot to Kos, who looks disgruntled. Many of the attending crew are still frozen in horror by one careless act that could have precipitated a war. Scotty, has turned an odd shade for a human...his face almost matching the color of his tunic. How odd. The tense meeting continues and slowly relaxes. The Klingons begin to rib their nicked crewmate and our crew begins telling tales of how many of the crew Stabby has...stabbed. The Klingons begin to craft elaborate toasts in Stabby’s honor. A bit later...the singing started. I quickly retired for the evening.

This brings us to today’s events. Apparently, the Klingons did not shut off Stabby’s camera. All off duty crew are gathered in 10 Forward boisterously cheering on Stabby as he roams the hallways of a Klingon Battle Cruiser. You can always tell when Stabby has claimed a new victim because you can hear the crew cheering from decks away. Curious.


End file.
